Thank You

Music: Straight From the Heart-Bryan Adams

The other day I met someone who told me they wouldn't date an Asian person. Apparently, we are two different species. So, I asked him, just out of curiosity.

Me: Why?

Person: Your culture is too different from mine.

Me: My culture involves respecting your elders and honoring your family. I guess yours must be disrespecting your elders and dishonoring your family.

Person: No, that's not it. I mean...you guys aren't Christian.

Me: I'm Catholic.

Person: Well, I mean there are things you do that's different.

Me: Like what?

Person: (long pause) We're just too different.

I'm used to this though. I'm Vietnam-born, but was American-raised in communities where the dominant race is caucasian. So the caucasians kept their distance from me and the other (rare) Asians call me "white washed" or "twinkie." When I went back to Vietnam to visit, I was "too American" and when I was in Japan, they called me "trash" because I was born in a poor third world country. When I broke up with an (caucasian) ex-boyfriend for cheating on me, he called me a "gook" and a "viet cong."

Luckily, there are those people who don't care skin color. They care about ethnic background only because they find it fascinating and want to learn more about it. Those people see me as a human being and treat me as such, so thank you to all my friends.

A Little Holiday With Hitler

Music: (None)

This is a rundown of a conversation I had with my friend involving relationships.

Friend: Did you get them back from your ex-boyfriend's house?

Me: God no, If I ever moved in with him I think I'd be in a mental institution right now.

Friend: Was it that bad?

Me: It was like dating Hitler. Wait, no...that's mean. It was like going on holiday with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Friend: Kind of like my ex-girlfriend who turned into Mr. Hyde every month and left blood everywhere?

Me: Yeah...kinda like that. Ew, that's gross!

Or, this is one of my good (and smartest) friend's interpretation of the situation.

Have no idea, either...he cheats on ya, then goes to Japan, and then gets mad that you don't want to be with him...after cheating on ya and continuing to talk to the girl that he cheated on you with.

Well put my friend, well put. *high five*

Here's to Micah

Music: Umbrella by Epik High (Ft. Younha)

"Hell, you punched me in the face...twice! And we didn't talk for several months. But we're still best friends."

Micah: You shoulda stayed for late night

Me: What went on?

Micah: I almost broke my neck.

Me: Again?

Micah: When was the first time?

Me: You got drunk and tried to do a back flip....oh wait, that was when you stopped breathing.

Micah: Yeah, that was a fun night. No, I took a horrible crash in my living room. Whoppers went everywhere.

Me: You fell over and nearly broke your neck?

Micah: Yeah, it was quite funny.

Outspoken

Music: First Love by Utada Hikaru [Jazz Version]

I have a habit of saying horrible things. For example, when I was researching in Washington D.C. with Dr. Wadkins (and two other students), we were searching for a place to eat one night. Lance wanted something different...something...exotic.

Dr. Wadkins: Something different? Something exotic? Let's see, we've got this Lebanese restaurant that's really good. There's also Thai, Moroccon, Pakistani, Ethiopian...

Me: Ethiopian?! I didn't know Ethiopia had food.

Dr. Wadkins: *pauses and then sighs*

But of course, I know that not everyone in Ethiopia is a starving orphan. It's just a habit.

In multicomposition thermodynamics (aka big people thermo), my professor wants us to turn in our homework at the beginning of class. He doesn't take late homework. Well, of course my printer doesn't work and the engineering printer is out of ink. So, I decide to ask nicely during class.

Me: Dr. Chen, my printer broke this morning and the engineering printer is out of ink. After class, may I please run to the library to print my homework out?

Dr. Chen: Oh...haha.*jokingly* For a price.

Me: Do you want a pound of rice or something? 'Cause, well, I know how much you love...rice...

I apologized to Dr. Chen later. He replied, "No, I thought it was funny. I'm not used to girls being so outspoken. But I have no excuse. I've lived in America for 17 years."

And then, my differential equations professor...

Dr. Jones: *referring to the problem he did on the board* This is a step you can skip. You don't have to simplify it on the test, I'm j-just showing you a cleaner way to present your solution.

Me: If we show the extra step on the test, will we get extra credit?

Dr. Jones: No...well...yes...the way I grade is...d-depends on my mood-----

Me: Whoa! What?!

Dr. Jones: W-what I mean is, er...uh...it would depend on....how *I* feel the rest of the class is doing. I grade harder when the class is doing really well...s-s-so that way we can separate the A's from the B's and so on.

Me: Listen, do you want a beer or something while you're grading my test?

The class: *LOL*

Dr. Jones: Uh...err...um...t-that would be very nice but uh....ok....er...um...n-next problem!

I'm from Wiscaaaansin.

Music: Jai Ho by Pussycat Dolls

I have nothing against people from Wisconsin. (For example: One amazing girl I know, Alli Wood, is from Wisconsin.) HOWEVER. If you came down to the South just to complain and bash for no reason (a.k.a. act like a jackass), you will be pwned.


Situation One (She's not the prettiest crayon in the box.)
---------------------------------------------
Wisconsin Girl: Whatever, I was homecoming queen at my college.

Me: Good lord, I'd love to see what the other girls look like.


Situation Two (This girl used to play sports, but now she's let herself go.)
---------------------------------------------
Wisconsin Girl: I think I've had enough of these fried carbs and sweet tea. No wonder everyone down here is so fat.

Me: Sorry (wisconsingirlsname) regardless of what food you eat, you'll always be fat. It's not the food's fault.

Wisconsin Girl: Well, I'm sorry not everyone is anorexic like you.

Me: I sense a hint of jealousy.

Wisconsin Girl: Why would I be jealous of someone who has a eating disorder?

Me: Because I look better than you?

Wisconsin Girl: Oh shut up and go throw up in a bathroom.

Me: Why?

Wisconsin Girl: Because you're anorexic!

Me: That's bulimia...

Wisconsin Girl: Whatever.

Situation Three (Her boyfriend is....manly.)
---------------------------------------------
Wisconsin Girl: All the boys down here look like girls. I like a manly man.

Me: Is that a picture of your boyfriend?

Wisconsin Girl: Yeah.

Me: He looks like your dad. What's with the lumberjack beard and the gut?

PWNED.

Some conversations with my dad

Music: Ego Trippin' at the Gates of Hell by The Flaming Lips

Dad: Susie, you buy beer?! You not 21!

Me: Dad, I'm 22.

Dad: You turn 22 when I say you turn 22!

When I was 12, I remember this conversation...

Dad: Susie, why you have no job?

Me: Dad, I'm 12.

Dad: When I was 12, I had three job!

In response to forbidden dating while in school (high school AND college).

Me: Dad, I'm lesbian.

Dad: Susie, why you not like boys?!

Me: Because you never let me date one.

Dad: Because boys is stupid when they young. I know. I was stupid boy when I your age. Fine, you want to date woman? Go ahead. Woman is crazy. Look at mommy.

This is my dad trying to make me feel better about being a late bloomer.

Dad: Susie, it's ok that Kathy have big boob. You see, all of her brain fall to her boob, that's why they are so big. You smart, so you have no boob.

Me:...Thanks dad.

When I went to Japan in summer 2008, my dad told me when I land, to call him right away. Well, at the airport I couldn't exchange any money because the booth was closed and I figured I'd talk to him on Skype anyway, so I didn't. I got to my dorm room, opened the internet and I found this e-mail. (Keep in mind that I never learned how to read Vietnamese, so my dad types to me in English.) My dad also doesn't understand the internet that well.

Tony writes:

"How are you ,are you doing OK?,call me right away i'm worry about you now .bye

daddy;"

and then a few seconds later, I receive another one.

"I try to call you by skyle many time but you didn't on line .call me soon if you can

daddy;"

Goodbye Jack, Hello Estelle

Music: Rich by The Yeah Yeah Yeahs

My sister was in a car wreck involving a drunk driver. She was going straight down a highway when this small truck pulled out in front of her. She's totally okay, but her Infiniti G35 is totaled. My brother was the first one to arrive at the scene.

He recalls:

"On a lighter note, this is what I hear as I walk up to her car.

Paramedic: (Trying to make her feel better) Guess who's getting a new car????

Kathy: WWWWWWHHHHAAAAAAA!!! WHHHHAAAAAA~~!! WHHHAAAAAA!!!!"

And for the record, my little sister wrecks her INFINITI G35 and gets a MERCEDES-BENZ Kompressor. MERCEDES! I still drive a punch-bug. Ughhh. Whatev.