Some conversations with my dad

Music: Ego Trippin' at the Gates of Hell by The Flaming Lips

Dad: Susie, you buy beer?! You not 21!

Me: Dad, I'm 22.

Dad: You turn 22 when I say you turn 22!

When I was 12, I remember this conversation...

Dad: Susie, why you have no job?

Me: Dad, I'm 12.

Dad: When I was 12, I had three job!

In response to forbidden dating while in school (high school AND college).

Me: Dad, I'm lesbian.

Dad: Susie, why you not like boys?!

Me: Because you never let me date one.

Dad: Because boys is stupid when they young. I know. I was stupid boy when I your age. Fine, you want to date woman? Go ahead. Woman is crazy. Look at mommy.

This is my dad trying to make me feel better about being a late bloomer.

Dad: Susie, it's ok that Kathy have big boob. You see, all of her brain fall to her boob, that's why they are so big. You smart, so you have no boob.

Me:...Thanks dad.

When I went to Japan in summer 2008, my dad told me when I land, to call him right away. Well, at the airport I couldn't exchange any money because the booth was closed and I figured I'd talk to him on Skype anyway, so I didn't. I got to my dorm room, opened the internet and I found this e-mail. (Keep in mind that I never learned how to read Vietnamese, so my dad types to me in English.) My dad also doesn't understand the internet that well.

Tony writes:

"How are you ,are you doing OK?,call me right away i'm worry about you now .bye

daddy;"

and then a few seconds later, I receive another one.

"I try to call you by skyle many time but you didn't on line .call me soon if you can

daddy;"

Goodbye Jack, Hello Estelle

Music: Rich by The Yeah Yeah Yeahs

My sister was in a car wreck involving a drunk driver. She was going straight down a highway when this small truck pulled out in front of her. She's totally okay, but her Infiniti G35 is totaled. My brother was the first one to arrive at the scene.

He recalls:

"On a lighter note, this is what I hear as I walk up to her car.

Paramedic: (Trying to make her feel better) Guess who's getting a new car????

Kathy: WWWWWWHHHHAAAAAAA!!! WHHHHAAAAAA~~!! WHHHAAAAAA!!!!"

And for the record, my little sister wrecks her INFINITI G35 and gets a MERCEDES-BENZ Kompressor. MERCEDES! I still drive a punch-bug. Ughhh. Whatev.